When it comes right down to it, sometimes "sorry" just doesn't explain how I feel. It's just a word that you say when you do something wrong and it's supposed to make everything magically better. But does it make sense to say the same word when you accidentally flat tire someone's flip flop while they're walking as when you really just messed up and you don't know what else to say? I don't think so. And what happens if the other person doesn't believe you? What happens when "sorry" just isn't enough? What else can you do? How can you show that you're sorry without being seen as clingy?
On the offchance that you read this before you leave (you should know who you are), I hope you know that I'm facing these questions right now. I don't know why you'd read this after I told you not to. For some reason I thought you were the kind of person that kind of thing works on, but I realize now that you wouldn't read this if I told you not to.
Anyway, I don't know what made me rush to conclusions about how you feel. I know I shouldn't have issued that ultimatum to you but there's nothing I can do to change the past. I've already crossed the line into clingy; believe me, I'm aware of that. I just can't believe that I fucked up one of the most amazing things that's happened to me. There doesn't seem to be anything I can say to make you realize how much our relationship means to me (yes, I'm still using present tense. I'm still kind of in denial). It doesn't make sense that it's only been a few hours and I miss you but I do. When I was panicking before my final, I just wanted you to be there holding me like you were there yesterday. It sucks to know I won't see you for a week. I know you want time but I still wish we didn't have to leave things like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment